Rebel Without A Cause

staygoldholly @ 2008-11-18T23:42:00

2008-11-18T15:42:53Z

Karma.

staygoldholly @ 2008-11-18T12:10:00

2008-11-18T04:11:30Z

Don't jinx it.

staygoldholly @ 2008-11-17T14:35:00

2008-11-17T06:35:49Z

Hello, or namaste. My name is Cassie. Or Meera nam Cassie hai. Namaste is Hindi for ‘I bow to you’ - isn't that amazing? I can also say "what time is lunch?" in Czech. I think it’s "V kolik hodin he obed?" Isn’t that cool? So now you know that I'd never go hungry in the Czech Republic. It’s not good to go hungry. I can say I love you in seven different languages. In Czech it’s "milnji te." Talking of love, wow, I love love. Love is like your best friend that you don’t see a lot. You know they’re always there but they’re just hard to get hold of. And when you do finally find them, it’s just great and you want to hug them and never let them go.

I love different countries, too. Like now I’m in Elgin. That’s in Scotland. But I could be anywhere in the world. Marrakesh or Peru. Somewhere hot where they grow chocolate. Did you know that chocolate only grows 20 degrees or less from the equator? Elgin’s nice. There’s no chocolate growing here, but the people smile a lot and say ‘hello’ and ‘how are you.’ And then you say ‘hello’ back and ‘I’m really fine. Thanks for asking.’

I like reading really big books with big words. And holding the book up to my face so that no one can see me. And then taking it down again, so that everyone can. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes, if I’m lucky, I’ll be on the bus and I’ll be reading, and there’ll be a little boy or a little girl sitting opposite me. I can always make little children laugh. Maybe because I’m sort of like them. Then I like playing hide and seek with them - with my big book. It makes them giggle. It makes me giggle. I’d have children just to play hide and seek with them…not just that, of course. I’d like feed them and dress them up too.

I love giving to charities too. I love giving my clothes away after I’ve used them, and they’re either too small or too big or too tight or too loose. Sometimes they’re too dull. I like bright colours on clothes. Well it depends on what mood I’m in, but right about now, I like reds and pinks and yellows and oranges - colours of the heart, I guess. What I love even more is buying clothes from charity shops. I used to make up stories about the people behind the clothes. Who were they? What do they like? Who did they love? Maybe someone will do that when they pick up my clothes. Do you think they’ll work me out? A girl called Cassie, who loved a boy called….?

Ambitions: I always wished I could be a Russian Doll. A red one. With a big pair of bright blue eyes and painted on eyelashes and pink rosy cheeks. Really rosy. And my mouth would be painted on red like a bow. I’d have a flower on my chest - a rose - and two small little hands by my side. And then I could be un wrapped, two, three, four times until I was small. Really small.

staygoldholly @ 2008-11-14T11:04:00

2008-11-14T03:08:59Z

Despair.

staygoldholly @ 2008-11-13T13:17:00

2008-11-13T05:22:38Z

This year I decided that hats were my thing. So, today I bought a grey bowler hat and wore it with my hair tucked in. Fact is, I kinda look like a boy. Speaking of which, I realized that my outfits of late are completely monochromatic but that's okay. Colours aren't really my thing.

staygoldholly @ 2008-11-13T10:23:00

2008-11-13T02:35:31Z

What good is a Starbucks without a smoking zone? Are you telling me that I can't have my coffee with cigarettes? This is war.

staygoldholly @ 2008-11-13T10:13:00

2008-11-13T02:20:41Z

You're so delicate.
Skin like porcelain, sparkle and fade under the rays of the sun.
Your features, so intricately carved.
You're the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on.
Pity, your heart is empty and your soul is dead.

staygoldholly @ 2008-11-12T20:05:00

2008-11-12T12:16:03Z

The Wind-up Bird Chronicle.

staygoldholly @ 2008-10-30T16:23:00

2008-10-30T08:27:55Z

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive.

I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

staygoldholly @ 2008-10-28T01:34:00

2008-10-27T19:43:12Z

"Maybe it's good we got hurt like that."

"You know, I don't know about you. But it makes me feel like I'm impervious to pain."

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-28T09:38:00

2008-10-23T16:18:51Z

Abstinence.

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-26T01:41:00

2008-10-23T16:14:37Z

In the dead of the night, I snuck into the kitchen to smoke a cigarette and drink juice straight out of the carton. I looked out of the windows and realized that the sky is tinted a pale orange and there is something very unsettling about the ticking of the clocks on the walls.

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-26T00:32:00

2008-10-23T16:12:53Z

Imagine being that fragile.

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-25T20:50:00

2008-10-23T16:11:43Z

To have fought to the point of exhaustion.

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-24T00:56:00

2008-10-23T16:10:18Z

Will starve for shoes.

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-22T13:19:00

2008-10-23T16:09:15Z

Of blue skies and power lines that stretch to the horizon.

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-21T20:30:00

2008-10-23T16:08:18Z

Self-explanatory.

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-20T22:10:00

2008-10-23T16:06:07Z

Melanie Huynh
Alexa Chung
Natasha Poly
Freja Beha
Julian Casablancas, The Strokes
Daisy Lowe
Pixie/Peaches Geldof
Chanel Iman
Alice Dellal
Zoe Kravitz
Irina Lazareanu
Lou Doillon
Iekeliene Stange
Sasha Pivovarova
Chloe Sevigny
Ally Hilfiger
Erin Wasson
Irina Kulikova
Daria Werbowy
Ali Stephens
Anja Rubik
Charlotte Høyer
Viktoriya Sasonkina

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-20T20:40:00

2008-10-23T16:03:58Z

Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
Haruki Murakami
Jeffrey Eugenides, The Virgin Suicides
Harper Lee, To Kill A Mocking Bird
Sylvia Plath, Ariel
Alice Sebold, The Lovely Bones
Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-20T20:30:00

2008-10-23T16:01:57Z

Lace tights
AA lamé leggings
Fierce shoes
Hats
Socks
Cape
Glasses
Headgears
Slouchy beanie ala Burberry Prorsum f/w 08
Ushanka, russian fur hat
Reebok Freestyle Hi, Neon
Black bandage skirt
Doc Martens

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-20T19:05:00

2008-10-23T15:47:39Z

I wrecked my knee on Friday while alighting from the bus, I fell and my right kneecap grazed across the gravel. It hurts but it's okay, I like staring at the wound.

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-02T03:37:00

2008-10-23T15:45:45Z

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." Robert McCloskey

staygoldholly @ 2008-09-02T03:03:00

2008-10-23T15:25:22Z

Paul Varjak, "I love you."

Holly Golightly, "So what."

staygoldholly @ 2008-10-21T10:43:00

2008-10-21T03:03:49Z

Misplaced innocence